Ignorance isn t always bliss

When I lived in the U K, my first wife and I played extreme bondage games, leading to me purchasing a wickedly expensive canvas bag, heavily rubberized on the inside, with a full-length two-part full-length zipper, which could be arranged so the two tags came together in the middle and would accept a padlock. This was the back of it, and there were two small zippered openings, on the front, at mouth and groin.
One day, in an excess of horniness, I mailed the keys to myself, then locked myself up in the bag, tied first at the neck, to keep it in place, with the opening over my mouth. When my wife came home from work, she wasn't that surprised to see me this way, but she nearly fell over when I said I'd mailed the keys to myself...
"You STUPID bastard! Don't you EVER watch the News??? There is a postal strike just started, and expected to last for weeks! And I'm not cutting you out! That damn bag cost us two **** mortgage payments, so you're not destroying and replacing it! You're IN there until mail is delivered again! I'll take good care of you, until then! You HAD to have one of these indestructible padlocks too, didn't you, where even bolt-cutters won't do it! I ought to divorce you, you **** idiot!"
I survived, but I nearly went crazy in the process - would have, without her constant attention, and that of her sister, when she had to be at work...I learned very rapidly how to please a woman, orally, in sheer self-preservation mode!

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Jan Funny November 05, 2020 at 1:06 pm 2 0