Hi I'm not proud of this confession, but hey that's what this site is for.
I'm a 16 year old girl (she/her) and I have finally fully accepted myself and understand my true feelings. Roughly in February 2020 I realized things were off and thought I might not be straight. A month later I was still going through a process of self-discovery and thought I might be bisexual. I came out to my mom in late march and she said bisexuality didn't exist. This hurt my feelings and I was really surprised since I just assumed my mom would be accepting. I love my mom and she is a good person, I thought she would get it. Anyway I continued the process of trying to find myself and realized that I might not be bi. Because bisexuality means that you would pursue a romantic and sexual attraction to more than one gender, but I didn't realize this was the actual definition. I thought it was just attraction, so I now identify as a biromantic lesbian because I can find multiple genders attractive, but only pursue a relationship intimately with a girl. Anyway I finally found where I belonged in that beautiful rainbow. It was now probably May and I noticed something. I have a close friend, (Let's call her Gold), and she is very religious and on the opposing political side of me (cough cough trump cough cough). When I casually brought up the lgbtq+ community she said that "It's not that I'm against them, It's just I find it weird" and "Aren't we here to reproduce? A man and woman just makes sense." Still, even with these factors that should make me cringe, I can't help, but be head over heels for her. She is stunning, radiant, kind, funny and I'm so happy when I'm around her. I ended up coming out to my friends (including Gold) and she told me that she loved me regardless. I know it would never work between us, and that she literally told me she was straight, but I want to be with her. I want to hold her hand and watch movies together at her house cuddling. I want to kiss her and go on little dates. I want that fairy tale ending and cupid to let me take flight on his wings. I want her so badly, but it can't be. She told me she's moving away in a couple of months and I am devastated. Even if things couldn't work out between us, she's still one of my best friends.
Gold you are drizzled sunshine on sailboats, the melody that I hum to myself when I walk. You are effervescent, the bubbles racing to the top of ethereal Champagne glasses. I want to take a sip, I want to kiss your golden lips. But the sun has to set, and you are thousands of lightyears away.
And I just have to accept that.
SilverCrushes January 05, 2021 at 9:25 am10