best dating

Lied to Family

Lied to Family

I post fictional tales here usually for my own enjoyment, but this is genuine.
I lied to my family and to some friends, and it hurts that I've done that. I told my sister and nephew, and later my mother, that I had sexual relations with a young woman that may have produced our child. My father just died a month earlier and I was in a weird place in my head and I told a fabricated fantasy as a reality to substitute my own shortcomings as how I feel lacking as relating to others. They each took it differently, as family does, but I felt proud and normal for some moments from having them believe I may have fathered a child. I'm into my 40's now and still have never been able to perform with women for all assortment of reasons. I am essentially still a virgin. The last girl I ever truly connected-with/loved was when I was 10 or so. She was my 9 year old classmate named Kimberly, which I know I'll likely never see again. I've never recovered from losing her after my family moved us away before entering the sixth grade.

I am still attracted to the memory of her. I've never been able to move beyond my memory of those pure emotions for Kimberly. It has destroyed me as a functional person. I write a lot of pornography to placate my desires, but otherwise have had no significant physical connections with any females. I imagine my mind is locked-in on some kind of psychological condition of comparing women to an unachievable standard of Kimberly's youthful innocence. I'm intelligent enough to self-evaluate and realize this, but it still hasn't help me to grow as an adult.

I'm a person that believes in energy more than religion, so I feel my father knows the truth as he is in his afterlife. I'm presently in a geographical position to verify the claims of my lie of potential fatherhood with my imaginary partner, but can't for obvious reasons. I now wish it were true, but I know I'm a liar and my inaction weighs heavily against me. I have had trauma as a youth, from around the time I was still connected to Kimberly as a youth. I'm sure this is a textbook psychological condition, but I'm also ashamed of not living up to my own expectations so I've not sought any help. I'm a proud person, and still protect the idea of character I've manufactured for myself.

Most boys begin to lie as youths about not being a virgin until they don't have to anymore. I never stopped. I am inadequate. I'm not the same. My peers have kids or ex-wives; I only have lies. And I hate myself. I don't believe myself to be unattractive; but I'm most definitely a coward and I'm nearing dying a thousand deaths.

I know I have to tell someone. I have to get help and talk with a counselor. I must humble myself and squash my pride to do so. I can't grow as a person living in a lie. I want to feel clean again. I want to believe confession is a first step.

I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm thinking of taking financial risks I shouldn't consider. I feel I have nothing to lose because it wouldn't have lasting effects on others. It would temporarily affect my family emotionally, but I'm desperate to grow.

I shouldn't be so awkward at my age, but I can't even follow-through going to a friends house to double-team a prostitute because I doubt I can perform with a stranger, of which I have no emotional connection.

I pray I have a purpose, but I am rapidly losing faith.

Remy Miscellaneous July 01, 2021 at 1:28 am 0
Confession Tags
Get Social and Share
3 Confession Comments
Well, I'm quite frankly a teenager, who can't do much help. But there are people that can. Maybe talk to a therapist about this. I'm not sure, and im for damn sure not a professional (I'm 17), but from research of my own, you may have Reactive Attatchment disorder. I would talk to a professional and do some of your own research before believing me though. Here's where I got the information from.****://discoverymood****/blog/reactive-attachment-disorder-in-adulthood/
I wish you the best of luck, and hope you do seek help, because it seems to be harmful to yourself to keep all of this bottled up. None of what I have said is to be taken in any offensive way either.

KY 3 years ago
Also if you know girls last name you can look her up on social media, she probably has Facebook, cause it's not like yall are part of the stupid ass "Facebook is for old people" age group
Kentucky Willie 3 years ago
Thanks.
Remy 3 years ago
Post a Comment
Text Only. HTML/Code will be saved as plain text.
Optional. Include your First Name in your Comment.

Comment Moderation is OFF. Profanity Filter is ON.